Tuesday, March 15, 2011

what the heck.

I can't even tell them my opinions and how I feel on certain things anymore. What the heck. I'm too scared that they'll judge me. asdlfkds;fhj I hate this feeling.

But I know I'll get over this feeling soon. Like the last post, I got over it pretty soon, so don't take me too seriously. I'll be fine. :)

Saturday, March 12, 2011

ugh ugh ugh

This is going to be a 'me complaining to you' post. Only reason you should be reading this post is to get to know me a little better I guess, because this is going to get personal.

I'm just feeling really forever alone right now. See, I have two best friends, the three of us are really close to each other, and we're each other's best friends.  We've been best friends since literally we've each been born. I've grown up with them and they have been my best friends my whole life. My best friends are next-door neighbors and I live fifteen minutes away/the next town over. 

So since they are live right next to each other, they see each other almost all the time, which I don't have a problem with at all. I mean, I talk to them all the time, so I don't feel left out that way. I know they love and care for me a lot even though I don't really get to see them often because of our conflicting schedules and lack of transportation lol.

It's when I'll be talking to one of my best friends online or whatever and she'll say "[other best friend's name] is here!" And then I'll think "oh cool, now I can talk to both of them" and for a couple of minutes, they will. But then, without warning, they'll just stop responding. I'll say something and they won't type anything back. And I just feel so left out, so alone, that I just feel really sad and a little mad. I know that I shouldn't be surprised that they stop talking to me if they're going to be hanging out together. They get distracted and I realize that. But it makes me sad that they don't even bother to say anything. And it makes me sad that they can have sleepovers together randomly on the weekends without even telling me about them, which is what they are doing right now. I feel selfish for feeling this way too. As if they should be paying attention to me all the time. I hate feeling this way and feeling insecure about their friendship with me. They mean SO SO SO much to me and I know how much I mean to them. They helped me get through a lot of tough things and I know we love each other a lot. 

I haven't actually seen them in a while, but I don't think it's that. I just really feel left out, I guess. I most likely won't tell my best friends how I feel either, even though they are my best friends and I usually tell them everything. I'm not the confrontational type and once again, I feel really crappy for feeling this way. The only reasons that I'm even posting how I feel here are that I need somewhere to rant and nobody that I knows in real life knows about this blog. Otherwise, I wouldn't even say anything. 

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Gah, this project

My English teacher assigned an extra credit project in which we describe the important books we would want on our bookshelves.  I'm resisting the urge to put all seven Harry Potter books there. I think I will put books that I have read outside of school that are important to me. So far, I am considering Harry Potter, Percy Jackson, The Hunger Games, Artemis Fowl, Looking for Alaska, and the Kite Runner.  I know I have read more books that I really liked, but I'm having trouble remembering them all! And I really want to do a good job representing what kind of books I like to read, so I don't want to mess this project up.

I also want to apologize for my absence. Hehe, I've just been really distracted since I got a tumblr!

Sunday, January 30, 2011

my sad life is sad.

For the past half hour, I've been searching magical places from Harry Potter on Google Maps, like Hogwarts, Hogsmeade, Diagon Alley, Platform 9 3/4. Nothing has come up for any of them. I'm tempted to scream, "IT'S REAL DAMMIT." at my screen. Yeah, it's fine. Google Maps is shattering my childhood dreams. This is like finding out Santa Claus doesn't exist. 

But lol, seriously, I'm just really bored and I don't want to study for my midterms. I'm not psychologically messed up, really.

I apologize for the increased amounts of Harry Potter posts lol. I guess I'm just holding on to it as much as I can before it's gone. But then I say to myself, "IT'LL NEVER BE GONE." But that's a whole different post.

Okay, to make things better, I just searched District 12 on Google Maps. It showed me some random place in Canada. That is not named District 12 obviously.

Saturday, January 29, 2011

the world amazes me sometimes

the dude on whichever news show my dad is watching just compared the egyptian protests to the american and french revolution. o...m...g. O_O

praying that all stay safe and that things will get better for the egyptians. wishing them the best and supporting them all the way

unpopular opinion.

A lot of people don't like Ginny or her relationship with Harry. This may be because compared to how perfect Ron and Hermione are for each other (OTP! OTP!) Harry and Ginny seem very blah and underdeveloped.


I don't understand why people hate Ginny. Okay, I understand movie!Ginny because she is very blah and she and Harry are very blah. But come on, in the books, she is so badass! And if you don't like her, at least have some sympathy for her! Try seeing it from her point of view.

The guy she is freaking in love with is targeted by one of the most twisted, evilest wizards! He is his number one enemy! At school, he is surrounded by fervent admirers that only like him because he's famous. Only reason. Okay, Ginny's like for Harry may have started like that but it grew into so much more. She sees how he struggles with his fame, she sees past the fame, and likes him for his generosity, his kindness, his personality, unlike those other girls. And, still, he does not notice her. But he might notice those other girls like Cho and Romilda Vane (Even though he never really liked them). Do you know how heart-breaking and painful that must be for Ginny?

Plus, this guy is Voldemort's enemy, Voldemort, a ruthless,evil wizard who thrives on creating pain and murder. This despicable wizard wants to murder the guy with whom she is in love and he and Voldemort meet up on average, once a year. Can you comprehend any idea of how much pain and fear that must bring Ginny? Almost every year, the guy she is in love with comes so close to death, so close to dying because he faces off with Voldemort, an evil wizard who would kill in a heartbeat. She comes so close to losing her love to death so often. Can you imagine how much worry and pain that would cause for Ginny? She lose the one guy she fell in love with so easily anytime he gets into danger. And he gets into danger a lot. He could be alive one minute and dead the next.

She loves him and he has the same feelings for her. But they still can't be together. He will not risk it; he does not dare put her in danger. She cannot be with her true love because Voldemort poses a threat. She would put herself in danger; she would put her life on the line for him. She does not want Voldemort to gain a victory by not allowing Harry to be with the one he loves. But Harry is protective of her. He wants her to be safe and does not want her to stand up blatantly to Voldemort. Do you know what kind of courage that takes? Ginny has to be so brave to risk her own life; to fight against Voldemort her own way because her family and Harry are protective of her and will not let her put her life in danger.

So she has to fight against Voldemort in her own way. She has to rebel for herself, for her family, and for Harry. That is why she continues Dumbledore's Army. She refuses to let Voldemort win. Therefore, she rebels against the Carrows and rallies up the members of the D.A. despite how she might get punished. He doesn't care if they torture her or threaten or harm her, she continues to rebel because it's all that she can do to help in the war against Voldemort. She might get tortured, but she has to play her part in the war. She can't let Voldemort win. She does it for her family. She does it for Harry. She does it so Voldemort can't break up any more people, so he will not be able to harm anyone ever again.

All this time she is fighting against the Carrows, she has to live with the fact that the people she loves are in danger. First, her brother, one of her closest friends, and her true love all put themselves in danger by going off on their own. Sure, they know the dangers, but they are still young and not that experienced. But there they are, going off somewhere she does not know, doing something that she does not know. All she knows that it has to do with defeating of the darkest, evilest wizards. They are trying to do something that she isn't even sure is possible.  All she knows is that they are putting themselves in so much danger, that they will probably get hurt and that there is a possibility that they might even get killed. But she can't think about that. It's hard to acknowledge that people she cares so much about might die. So she keeps trying to do as much as she can.

Meanwhile, while three of the people she cares about the most go ahead and put themselves in danger, more people that she cares about are in danger. Her family is also targeted by Death Eaters and Voldemort. Her family is being watched and threatened for their beliefs in equality. The Death Eaters also expect Harry to return to the Burrow and keep a close watch on her family because of that. As a result, they end up going into hiding.

Do you know how much stress that would cause for Ginny? But for the people she loves, she does not fall apart. She is strong and grits her teeth. She is brave. She does not back down. Instead, she fights for the people she loves. She does not change her beliefs just because of possible risks. No, she stands her ground. She has to live with all these uncertainties, all these possibilities of injury and death. But she keeps fighting. She fights for the ones she loves. She fights to make the world a safer place. So she can be with the ones she loves without worry or fear of separation. So everyone can be with the ones they love without worry or fear of separation

July, even though I want you to get here now, please take your sweet time

I don't want Harry Potter to end obviously for a lot of reasons. But my biggest one is that I'm afraid that I'll forget about it. That after there all the books and movies are released, I will not pay attention to it anymore and I'll forget about it and stop loving it. It scares me so much. Especially because Harry Potter is such a big part of who I am right now and it was a big part of me growing up. I don't ever want to let it go, but I'm afraid I will grow up and will let it go. I want to love it for as long as I live as much as I love it right now. I want my future children to read it and to love it. But first I have to wonder if I'll even love it as much then when I grow older.

I really do not want to let it go. This whole series, the characters, the movies, the actors, they are all so important to me. I want to treasure them forever and always.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

i cant believe its 2011. it was a crappy ass start too. my two best friends got into an argument and i want to cry. i was trying to make it happy for at least me but i still felt the tension. goddamn. i want to cry because there is tension between them. i wanted to make it a happy start, spend time with them like i usually do. we couldn't have a sleepover like normally, but IM-ing each other was the next best thing and i was happy for that. but then a couple minutes before midnight, one of them said something that struck a nerve and they got offended. it makes me want to cry. one of them left our group conversation and talked to me separately. i tried to make her happy. i tried to get her to listen to the other one apologizing. but she wouldn't listen. so i tried to make it as happy as i could for myself. 17 and a half now. but i cant believe that its 2011. the year that i freaking graduate. time is going by so fast and im growing up so fast, before i know it, it will be graduation. im scared to grow up. im scared to find out what it is like in the real world. i want to say protected. and sheltered. im scared to take on teh real world. but time goes on. and i will try my best. its all i can do.

not to sound all whiny teenager-ish, but im feeling very alone and misunderstood. :(