Tuesday, March 15, 2011

what the heck.

I can't even tell them my opinions and how I feel on certain things anymore. What the heck. I'm too scared that they'll judge me. asdlfkds;fhj I hate this feeling.

But I know I'll get over this feeling soon. Like the last post, I got over it pretty soon, so don't take me too seriously. I'll be fine. :)

Saturday, March 12, 2011

ugh ugh ugh

This is going to be a 'me complaining to you' post. Only reason you should be reading this post is to get to know me a little better I guess, because this is going to get personal.

I'm just feeling really forever alone right now. See, I have two best friends, the three of us are really close to each other, and we're each other's best friends.  We've been best friends since literally we've each been born. I've grown up with them and they have been my best friends my whole life. My best friends are next-door neighbors and I live fifteen minutes away/the next town over. 

So since they are live right next to each other, they see each other almost all the time, which I don't have a problem with at all. I mean, I talk to them all the time, so I don't feel left out that way. I know they love and care for me a lot even though I don't really get to see them often because of our conflicting schedules and lack of transportation lol.

It's when I'll be talking to one of my best friends online or whatever and she'll say "[other best friend's name] is here!" And then I'll think "oh cool, now I can talk to both of them" and for a couple of minutes, they will. But then, without warning, they'll just stop responding. I'll say something and they won't type anything back. And I just feel so left out, so alone, that I just feel really sad and a little mad. I know that I shouldn't be surprised that they stop talking to me if they're going to be hanging out together. They get distracted and I realize that. But it makes me sad that they don't even bother to say anything. And it makes me sad that they can have sleepovers together randomly on the weekends without even telling me about them, which is what they are doing right now. I feel selfish for feeling this way too. As if they should be paying attention to me all the time. I hate feeling this way and feeling insecure about their friendship with me. They mean SO SO SO much to me and I know how much I mean to them. They helped me get through a lot of tough things and I know we love each other a lot. 

I haven't actually seen them in a while, but I don't think it's that. I just really feel left out, I guess. I most likely won't tell my best friends how I feel either, even though they are my best friends and I usually tell them everything. I'm not the confrontational type and once again, I feel really crappy for feeling this way. The only reasons that I'm even posting how I feel here are that I need somewhere to rant and nobody that I knows in real life knows about this blog. Otherwise, I wouldn't even say anything. 

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Gah, this project

My English teacher assigned an extra credit project in which we describe the important books we would want on our bookshelves.  I'm resisting the urge to put all seven Harry Potter books there. I think I will put books that I have read outside of school that are important to me. So far, I am considering Harry Potter, Percy Jackson, The Hunger Games, Artemis Fowl, Looking for Alaska, and the Kite Runner.  I know I have read more books that I really liked, but I'm having trouble remembering them all! And I really want to do a good job representing what kind of books I like to read, so I don't want to mess this project up.

I also want to apologize for my absence. Hehe, I've just been really distracted since I got a tumblr!